Heart's A Mess
by keltieful
Summary: On his way to dinner with Spock, Jim spots Bones giving him a Valentine's Day card. Cue freak out. Spirk.


Captain James T. Kirk walked down the silver halls of his lady. He smiled at his crew, the best in the 'fleet, as they hurried around. It seemed as if every second person he passed was carrying a box from the science department.

This would mark the first year that he was celebrating the coveted Earthen holiday of St Valentines. He might only be doing so with his two best friends but that was perfect. Jim hadn't ever wanted love, not after what it did to his mother. She still loved George Kirk, unable to move on. It made her unhappy and had strained their relationship to breaking point.

His plans for tomorrow were simple. Breakfast in the mess with his crew in a friendly show of celebration, bridge duties as per usual, after work drinks with Bones and then chess and dinner with Spock. Simple but perfect. If they could cooperate and just not argue for five minutes, Jim would jump all over spending the evening with both. Unfortunately, all they ever seemed to do was argue. Partly because they liked to and partly because Bones could get a little offensive. Their last fight had been the worst and Jim had ended it by screaming himself hoarse at both of them. He hadn't even seen them in the same room since.

Jim caught sight of Sulu up ahead, box under one arm and the other gesturing wildly as he spoke. From what Spock said in yesterdays meeting -the six hours Jim spent uninvited in Spock's room to avoid well meant Valentines cards- Sulu was the driving force of this year's festivities. Which made sense. The young man was one of their botanists and the most senior ranking. If this went well, Jim would give them all commendations. They deserved it for all the extra unpaid hours they'd put into this side project.

By tomorrow the mess hall should be a spring meadow of love or something. Sulu had promised that it wouldn't be garish or overdone. He'd also gotten Bones' help with the choice of this year's blooms. They'd tried their very best to weed out anything which would make the crew sick. Or rather, they'd tried to make sure Jim had the least likely chance of having an allergic reaction and dying in front of the entire crew. Not the best way to spread positive crew moral. Either way, Bones and Spock would both be carrying around his medication, not that that was anything out of the ordinary. And the places Jim frequented would only be decorated lightly. Not to mention the total ban he'd implemented on the bridge. No need to risk their professionalism. As he often said, his crew was the best. There was no need for the Admiralty to try and tell him differently.

"Cap'n, I nee' a word with you." Scotty called as he rushed down the hall. His hair was almost sticking up on end and his uniform was covered in grease or some kind of black liquid.

"What can I do you for, Scotty?" Jim asked, saluting a stressed looking Yeoman.

"There's a prob'm in engineering. The circuit board to the warp c'r is fried. I can shut down the power but we'll nee' a full restart, Cap'n." Scotty huffed.

Jim did the maths in his head. They'd be sitting ducks for at least an hour. In the middle of Federation space that was less of an issue. Out here, on the edge, it was different. Anything could happen. They wouldn't even be able to get help. But if they didn't fix it they'd be blown up next time they tried to engage warp.

"Fix it Scotty. And next time we take shore leave I want that panel rerouted." Jim snapped him a quick salute and made a mental note to write it up later.

Scotty beamed and ran back the way he'd come, almost brushing against Spock. Jim caught his eye and shrugged. He certainly wasn't about to tell the Vulcan what Mr Scott was excited about. He'd rather not get the lecture about procedure and protocol again.

"Dinner, Captain?" Spock asked as he walked past, in the direction of the officers mess.

Jim grinned at his back and followed, ignoring the giggling Ensigns. He knew that a fair number of his crew thought he acted like a puppy around Spock. It was harmless talk. Even though he was a bit miffed about the canine reference. Puppies were needy and dopey. And Spock was a cat person. Why would he let a puppy follow him around?

When they got to the turbo lift, six people, all carrying the mysterious Valentines Day boxes, were lined up outside. The lift opened promptly and Spock got in, Jim trailing behind and generally acting like a Human barrier because if Spock had to be uncomfortable and possibly pick up someone's thoughts, clearly he would rather it be Jim.

Someone jostled their box, hitting it into Jim's back and pushing him over. Before he could fall face first into Spock's shoulder, an arm wrapped around his waist and held him up. He looked up at Spock, who only raised that darn eyebrow, and felt his cheeks burn. Stupid Vulcans and their stupid reflexes and their stupid strength and their stupid eyebrows.

Jim huffed and pouted.

The doors opened to squeeze more people in. It pushed Jim right up against Spock. Who, Jim realised, was the perfect height. Jim, dismissing the red klaxon in his mind, let himself lean forward and rest against Spock's shoulder. His eyes drifted shut, Spock's clean spicy smell relaxing him further. It had been too long since he'd had a proper nights sleep. And Spock was comfy and warm and made him feel safe. He'd bet that not even _those_ nightmares could torment him with Spock around.

He might have dozed off for a moment because the next time his eyes opened, they were alone.

"Captain, Jim, there is no longer any need to share space." Spock said, arm dropping from its place.

If that wasn't a clear 'fuck off' than Jim didn't know what was. Then again, he'd made a bit of a cultural faux pas. Spock wasn't like Bones. He couldn't give Jim the physical reassurance he needed. He was tactile by nature and a little more needy than most people above the age of five. But then, he'd had a mother who couldn't look at him, let alone touch him and a step father who hit him to blow off steam. Jim could have turned out way worse than he did.

As they stepped out, Jim made sure to keep more distance between them than usual. It wouldn't go unnoticed by Spock, who noticed everything. Hopefully it would be enough of an apology. He really didn't want Spock to be angry with him. The Vulcan got so cold when he was angry. Jim didn't know what he'd do, probably beg and apologise and promise to never touch him, if Spock started to shut him out again. It was only after Uhura had explained their breakup that Jim began doggedly pursuing their 'life defining' friendship.

And no. It had nothing to do with Bones' 'brain crush' theory.

He just happened to have a stroke of inspiration during one of their bridge arguments and had set out to read everything Spock had ever published. Which did help him figure out the Vulcan. He could tell the difference between his passions and subjects he researched as a hobby. Or, if he was anything like Jim, to keep his brain from dying of boredom.

And somewhere along the way he realised exactly why Pike recruited him. He and Spock were two sides of the same coin. Spock tempered him, brought him back from his crazy ideas with logic and physics. Jim helped Spock zoom out and see the bigger picture. When he wasn't so focused on the tiny details, Spock was a crazy genius and always managed to make Jim's plans work.

And if he wasn't a Vulcan, Jim would always be snuggled up to him. Friends were the best people to hug and sit on and generally invade their space.

"There you are Spock. I got something for you. In the spirit of tomorrow's holiday."

Jim's head snapped up as he heard Bones' voice. He'd fallen a little behind Spock and now hurried to catch up. Bones and Spock in one room, without distractions or mediators, was a recipe for dis-

Jim turned the corner and saw Bones, blush painted firmly across his cheeks, holding out an oddly shaped green thing. It almost looked like a Valentines day card. Except surely Bones would be the last person to give Spock any sort of present. Especially for a day celebrating love.

But, as Jim watched, Spock took the card and opened it. He read the message inside not once but twice while Bones shifted nervously.

"Thank you, Leonard. I appreciate and return your regard." Spock spoke up. Bones' smile was relieved. Jim was stumped.

How could Bones not tell him something like this? They'd been best friends for years. Jim had told him everything. Except _that_. But he'd never told anyone about _that_. Point was, he'd trusted Bones more than anyone. Had let him into his heavily guarded heart. Had pushed his judgement aside and tried to trust and build bonds and all that crap. But Bones hadn't done the same. He only mentioned Joanna while drunk. He'd never leaned on Jim's shoulder and shared about the divorce past basic facts.

And Spock! They were meant to be the single most important people in each other's lives. The meld with Ambassador Spock had shown him just how much love and trust he held for his own Kirk. Didn't Spock feel even a little of that? Was it just him? Was he the only one who invested everything in this relationsh-

A cold wave of realisation crashed over him. He needed to get out of here, re-evaluate and maybe hide under a pile of PADDs and his Captain's stripes. He'd see how Scotty was doing and fill out the mission report he'd been meaning to get around to.

* * *

Spock looked behind him, only to find Jim missing. He shared a look with McCoy before repressing a sigh. It was just like his Captain to do something unexpected and ruin the most carefully laid out plans. Dinner on the observation deck was cancelled then.

"I had planned on sharing dinner with the Captain however, he has disappeared." Spock said, "Would you care to join me, doctor?"

He and McCoy had recently come to a bit of a truce.

Last time they'd had one of their arguments, Jim had gotten quite upset. It was likely caused be the extreme lack of sleep Spock felt whenever they touched. Regardless of its cause, Spock and McCoy had both agreed to make concessions. Jim had enough to worry about without his two friends fighting all the time.

And so, they'd begun worked together more closely. Medical was now using lab 13. Spock was co-writing a paper with Dr M'Benga on Vulcan telepathy. Nurse Chapel was running a first aid seminar dealing in chemical burns and lacerations. And Spock and McCoy had recently finished working on changing the chemical composition of roses so that Jim was no longer allergic.

Working together had strengthened their tentative friendship.

It had certainly opened up a new side of McCoy. The one which was professional, intelligent and highly skilled in his area of expertise. Spock found himself impressed, not something which happened often, and regarded the doctor with new found respect.

From what he'd written in his card, McCoy felt the same.

"Sure Spock. Dinner on the observation deck sounds lovely." McCoy grinned, "Maybe a little romantic though. I know I said we were friends, but I meant it in the Human way. I know you Vulcans have a different idea."

Spock raised an eyebrow. He had organised the evening with Jim's comfort in mind rather than any romantic intent. From his observations, his Captain was 28.64% more relaxed whenever he could see the stars whizzing by. Though they were currently in orbit, the view was incredibly aesthetically pleasing. The deep blues of the planet below almost matching Jim's eyes.

It was most unfortunate that Jim was no longer accompanying him.

However, McCoy's company would be most beneficial. Spock was unsure how to address a problem he had. A rather, dare he say, Human problem. And there was no one more Human than McCoy. A fact the doctor took great pride in.

Spock had already consulted the single other Vulcan crew member, a woman named T'lara in engineering. Her advice had been helpful, her logic astute. And her assistance in gathering the required objects was more than appreciated.

With her help he had gotten everything together, from a Vulcan standpoint. Now it just needed a few Human touches. An emotional influence. Spock realised, when it came to Humans, and James Kirk in particular, logic meant very little.

Jim may value their differences. He might have even mumbled that Spock was the 'calm of his storm' one time when he was very tired and more than a little drunk. But in the end, Jim was emotion and life and vibrancy. He was the centre of everything, Spock his anchor and armour. He spoke a certain language, one Spock tried his hardest to suppress and deny.

Which was why McCoy would work well as a bit of a bridge. If he could gain his cooperation, that is.

* * *

Sleepily, Jim threw his legs over the edge of his bed and stumbled toward the fresher. He'd slept terribly. Even worse than usual. Which was saying something. Dreams of that summer, interspersed themselves with Spock and McCoy had run his fragile emotions into the ground.

The circles under his eyes were deeper than ever, his face pale and gaunt looking.

He ran a hand through his hair and cringed at the feeling of the greasy blonde mess. Dull blue eyes stared into their twins.

He needed a shower, a shave and a new perspective. He had no idea how he was going to act normally today. Not a clue how he was meant to face Bones or Spock. And if they were together, if they were together he might just cry.

It was such typical Jim Kirk style, to figure out you were quite possibly 'I wanna be with you forever' in love with someone two minutes after they started dating his best friend. The universe never could give him a break. He didn't know why he'd stopped expecting everything to turn to shit at any given moment. Bones had weakened his cynical side and Spock had simply obliterated it.

"Ugh. Valentines day sucks." Jim groaned as he leaned against the shower wall. Sonics were only so good. Not relaxing at all. Unless you found being sprayed with what felt like tiny sand particles relaxing. Spock probably liked it. Being Vulcan and all.

"You were not so pessimistic about the celebrations yesterday." Spock commented from outside the frosted glass.

"Yeah well, I had a change of heart. Sue me." Jim growled and rubbed harder at his hair. He would be the cleanest Captain the 'fleet had ever seen.

"An Earth expression, I assume?" Spock replied, "If not, you may want to report directly to sickbay."

Jim just groaned again. It was too early for Vulcan humour. And he was still feeling a little vulnerable. He wanted to banter with Spock like usual, to call him out and expose the truth of his lies. Lies, all of them. But he felt stifled. Too hot and too cold. Just the thought of Spock with McCoy was distressing. He felt sick and scared and just being in the same room, let alone naked, with Spock was too much.

It was all too much.

The door opened and two blue covered arms reached inside. Jim made a sound in fear and belatedly realised that he was crying. When had that started?

"Don't, don't, please don't." He cried.

It made Spock pause, but only for a second. With one hand he turned off the sonics while the other wrapped around Jim.

Seconds later Jim was standing in the cramped bathroom, towel wrapped around his shoulders and a Vulcan rubbing patterns on his back.

It made him cry harder. And wasn't that embarrassing. Captain James T. Kirk, all around badass, was blubbering like a baby. On a member of the only know species to eschew emotion. No wonder Spock didn't like him.

"T'hy'la, you are being even more illogical than usual." Spock said, pulling him closer.

Jim didn't know what the pretty word meant but he liked it. When Spock said it, his tone softened. It was something he'd never heard in Vulcan before. One of the reasons it was such a hard language for other species to master was the lack of inflection. Which meant that his word, t-hi-la, would be pre-Surakian.

Jim was suddenly lifted off his feet and carried back into his room. Spock sat him on his desk and walked over to his wardrobe.

"Care to tell me why the warp core was shut down yesterday?" Spock asked as he fished out a gold shirt.

Jim stayed silent. He didn't know why Spock was acting so different. He wasn't sure he liked it. He wiggled from his place atop the desk and tried to keep his mind out of the gutter.

A job which got more difficult when Spock came back over, stood between his thighs and pulled off his towel.

Jim squeaked, a sound he would deny to his dying day, and tried to cover himself. The attempt just elicited yet another raised eyebrow.

"If you do not wish to tell me about the officially unauthorised warp core shut down, we could always discuss you disappearance last night." Spock offered.

He put Jim's clothes down on the table and handed him his boxers. With a muttered thanks, Jim shimmied into them and sat back on the table. He wouldn't be going anywhere until the Vulcan got what he wanted. And Spock always got what he wanted, eventually. Jim was stubborn but Vulcans really made an art form out of it.

"I thought you'd want some time with Bones." Jim finally muttered.

Now both eyebrows were rising towards Spock's hairline. He felt like an idiot. Did he really have to spell it out?

"I heard what you said to him, about returning his feelings and thought I wouldn't be appreciated." He gushed, feeling worse for saying it aloud.

"Returned his feelings?" Spock muttered before his eyes widened, just the tiniest bit. "I assume you are referring to the card Doctor McCoy gave me. Here."

Spock pulled the green... thing from his pocket and placed it in Jim's hand. He opened it gingerly, as if it were an explosive device. Inside, in Bones' messy scrawl -it was like deciphering a code- was a short message.

 _'Dear Spock, as Valentines is a day to celebrate all the people in our lives, I decided to write you a card. Working with you has been an interesting and, dare I say, fulfilling venture for both myself and the entire medical department. You have become a trusted friend, despite your many 'quirks'. Happy Valentines and good luck with the idiot. You'll need it. Leonard Bones McCoy.'_

"Oh." Jim murmured, eyes flying over the card again. There was an error in his judgement. And, from Bones' words at the end, a big one. The only person Bones ever called an idiot was Jim.

Spock's fingers brushed Jim's as he took back the card. Electric tingles shot straight up his arm. Spock entwined their digits.

A Vulcan kiss.

"Happy Valentines, t'hy'la." Spock murmured before bringing their lips together. Jim sighed in contentment.

"How long before we need to leave for breakfast?" He asked.

"We have time." Spock said between kisses. Jim smiled.

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.**

 **Some of these one shots are based loosely off, maybe I should say inspired by, prompts. So, if you find a similar story I'm not stealing their idea/work/whatever. I just used the same prompt. :D**


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